by Exener

(September 20, 2001)

Inner is Outer

XIII Death. Universal principle of detachment and release. "Detachment is a form of objectivity that includes caring." Detachment allows passion. Detachment allows feelings. Detachment allows the bones of who we are to express ourselves.


Scorpion = that part of ourselves that is willing to protect or take care of ourselves during times of change and letting go.

Snake = to transform, we must let go of old identities to be able to express new ones like the snake that sheds its skin.

Phoenix = overall vision and perspective that is needed to become even more of who we are. The essence that is always free, vital, and irrepressible. It that part of our nature that prompts us to let go so that we can give birth to greater parts of who we are.

Bones = our ancestral lineage and our present commitment to grow and evolve through repeated death/rebirth experiences.

It is 9 days. Nine days from when my life changed irrevocably. As I track the cycle which has occurred during this time, I feel the correlation with this past year. It is the inner reflection of the outer and the outer reflection of the inner.

There is a deepening of the recognition that ALL is everywhere. I am in everything and everything is within me. Within myself and without in the world. As trite as this may sound, we are all one. We are all the same. We are all human. We are all animal. With the same BASIC INHERENT nature. I am a thief, a liar, a lover, a moralist. I am violent, I am peaceful, I am just and I am a hypocrite. Until I recognize and come into DEEP relationship with my light AND MY SHADOW, only until then will I be able to stand in the place of true detachment and integrity with soul. That which allows deep caring and passions and feelings to co-exist.

Only until we stand in this relationship with Self will we, as a people, move beyond the black and white view of the world that we so desperately cling to. Right/wrong, evil/good, light/dark, christian/muslim. These places of dichotomy, of either/or, are destroying us. AND, as I have learned from my own experiences, it is to the brink of destruction that I must reach to truly get to the place of recognition. It is then that I hear the calling to attend to those places within Self that are crying out for attention, for acceptance, for relationship.

And, so I look at my life. At the choices I have made. At the choices that have made me. Some speak of "wrong decisions." I stipulate that there are no "wrong decisions." All decisions have consequences, of course, which we must be open to experience. For every action, there is an inexorable movement towards out greater Fate. Whatever that fate may be, so it will be. Every action, reaction, event, non-event that has occurred in my life have brought me to who and what I am now. So what if something were different? What if I were born to different parents? Or sent to a different school? Or decided NOT to partner with P? How would I be different? What sort of person would I be? Would I be in this place of Grandness that I feel myself, now, to be? I don't know. Nor do I need to know. What IS is. This is what I know. So, were there mistakes made? Probably, yes. Were they necessary to make me reach this place in my life? I believe, absolutely, yes. Would a different path have led me to the same place? This, I do not know.

This is NOT a relinquishment of personal responsibility. NO NO NO. This is an undertaking of the Greatest of personal responsibilities. And, that is, the responsibility of EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US, to do our deep inner work. These great events are our Calling to do our deep inner work.

So, I must look at the personal in relationship with the world events. These are absolutely intertwined. There is no looking at one without the other. As soon as I notice that I am pointing outside of myself to 'other', without concurrently pointing to myself then I know I am in a place of dishonesty, that I have lost my integrity.

It is the most daunting of tasks to look within. To have the willingness to EXPERIENCE ALL. For, there is GREAT pain and suffering and anguish awaiting us. JUST AS THERE are GREAT treasures awaiting us. It requires digging through the shit, getting soiled and stinking, to reach the place of our Grandness.

All these words relate not only to myself and my journey, but to ALL OF US. This is what I recognize. This is what I put out to the world.

Infinite Justice - only Allah can dispense this