Article

Happy Birthday, Mom!

It was a pleasant afternoon at the Royal Teton Ranch. My mom, Elizabeth Clare Prophet, and I were walking outside of her house at the Ranch Headquarters in Corwin Springs, Montana. It was on one of several trips I made to the Paradise Valley in 1997 and 1998. Having left the CUT community at the end of 1993, I went back on a number of occasions to visit family and friends, and for two weddings (one of my sister Erin to John Devine, and the other of my stepfather Edward Francis to his beloved Eileen).

I had made a special trip down to the Ranch to see my mom. I was worried about her. Her mental capacity had been diminishing for some time–she was starting to exhibit the classic loss of inhibitions characteristic of Alzheimer’s patients. Following her divorce from Edward, her fourth husband, she had begun to carry on a series of highly indiscreet emotional and physical affairs with male followers and hangers-on. She had also been actively performing “karmic readings” in which many church members were publicly humiliated. She carried on brazenly at the end, her sense of spiritual infallibility persisting far past her decline of inhibitions.

Soon after, during this period, she also entered psychotherapy in Bozeman. She had confided in my sisters and I that she was beginning to feel remorse for some of her actions during her 33-year tenure as messenger and head of the Church Universal and Triumphant. It was a very interesting period in her life. She had a unique window of opportunity. Her brain decay was uneven, and apparently the megalomaniacal portions fell away before her normal cognitive functions did. This explains her remorse and her attempts to make amends.

She wrote scores of handwritten letters. She sent them to staff or church members who she felt she had wronged in some way. Her apologies were varied and wide-ranging. They ran the gamut from regret for simple misstatements and insensitivities, to apologies for having led people seriously astray in their lives. In short, mom’s therapy and writing of letters was as close as she ever came to an actual repudiation of her messenger-ship. But the implication was clear: She saw how her claims on divine wisdom combined with the spiritual neediness of her followers to wreak havoc in her community.

But the real shocker was yet to come: That day, on a casual stroll through the characteristically stark Montana landscape, she gave me the explanation and a measure of resolution I had sought my entire life. This all took place in a 5-10 minute conversation.

Here is what she said to me. (She also made these statements at other times to two of my three sisters.) This is as close to verbatim as I can remember:

“Sean, I have something important to tell you. I want you to know that I realize I have abused power in my ministry in this church. I have hurt many people. I’ve been doing a lot of reflection and spiritual work, and I understand now why this happened.

When I was embodied on Atlantis as a high priestess, I had a similar position of leadership. I made the same mistakes 10,000 years ago. I manipulated my followers sexually and politically for my personal gain. In this life, it was my mission to come back, to right the wrongs I’d committed in my earlier life.

I was given the opportunity by El Morya and the Lords of Karma to come into a spiritual community and lead it properly. But I fell into the same traps–I did the same thing in this life. I failed in my mission. I realize now that it’s too late for me to do anything about it. I’m losing my mental capacity, and I’m doing the best I can in therapy, and writing letters. But there’s too many people, and not enough time for me to make amends to everyone.

Sean, I want you to tell people what I said. Tell as many people as you can. Help me to pay the karmic debt I’ve incurred through my abuse of power.”

I was stunned. This was the biggest bombshell I’d ever heard in my life. I had never once heard my mom even admit it was POSSIBLE for her to be wrong. I had never imagined that she could so easily relinquish her claim on infallibility. The questions came fast and furious in my mind. How did this jive with her claim to have been a Bodhisattva who had balanced 100% of her karma? How could she have been so led astray by her own unlived life, her own shadow? How could the entire ministry of one of the ‘two witnesses’ (who she claimed to be) be tainted by wrongdoing?

In that moment, I felt her tremendous vulnerability. I felt a great deal of love and compassion for her. I told her I would do as she asked. In the years that followed, that conversation came to represent a major milestone in the relinquishing of my own faith. It became an object lesson for me. I had witnessed her failed prophecies and bad management during my time at the church. Now I had an admission from her own lips.

Through most of the 36 years I knew my mom, she was dedicated first and foremost to the ‘masters’ and her organization. She was often aloof and distant with her family. So my feelings toward her were complex. As I grew up in the church, and especially when I went to work for her, I had a constant fear that she did not have my best interests at heart. Rather than the encouragement I would have expected from a parent–to pursue my dreams and make the most of my life–I experienced her relentless imposition of a value system that placed the work of the church above all else. When I left the organization in 1993, it was as much for this reason as any other. In the end, I realized I could not trust her. She had a conflict of interest. She had to make a choice whether to be loyal to her family or her flock. She unequivocally chose her flock.

But my love for her continues even today on a certain level, especially since I know she struggled at the end. I wish she had kept enough mental capacity to continue her psychotherapy, because I would have enjoyed getting to know her as a true human being, (instead of how I actually knew her–as a demigod with no humility.) She also would have enjoyed watching her grandchildren grow up.

It is with a mixture of profound sadness and a strong sense of purpose that I publish her remarks. She would have wanted it this way. In fact, I think that having seen the disastrous results of her organizational power trip, in retrospect, I think she would have chosen to undo it all.

Unfortunately, it is too late for that. Church Universal and Triumphant is a cult that has now survived past its founding generation. Though the organization faltered for a few years, it now seems to have stabilized and shows no signs of disintegrating. As long as there are people who need the particular brand of Ascended Masters teachings my parents offered, their successors will continue to propagate their messianic zeal.

I find it interesting to contemplate what might happen if my parents came back to life and paid a hypothetical visit to the church they founded. I’d like to imagine them walking into the so-called ‘King Arthur’s Court’ at Ranch Headquarters together, getting up on the altar, and sharing with the congregation what my mom shared with me that day. I’m certain that they would be denounced as impostors.

My parents were successful partly because they told people what they wanted to hear–more so because they believed it themselves. But in the end, they were prisoners of what they had taught. The beliefs they propagated took on a life of their own. There were people on staff who knew my mom’s writings better than she did. She spoke and dictated in a stream of consciousness style. There would have been no way for her to have kept consistent about every aspect of the teachings over 30-plus years. It wasn’t humanly possible.

I can remember several occasions when mom received letters about contradictions in her messages. She often would then make a pragmatic choice as to which interpretation was correct, and then reiterate it from the altar–so as to clear up any ambiguities. This was nothing if not political posturing. Since people in the community had their own expectations and traditions, she was not free to re-evaluate what she had taught.

It’s a familiar story–how a series of ad hoc spiritual observations, opinions, and teachings becomes scripture. It has happened many times before in religious history, and will no doubt occur again. Some humans have an innate need to follow leaders. Often the leader they think they are following is simply a subjective caricature they have created.

My parents planted the seed of this tree that has taken root in the minds of their followers, and is now larger than all of us. Nothing can stop the onward march of the beliefs and delusions of CUT or any church except the wholesale reclaiming by members of reason and critical thought. Nothing that is, except the reclaiming of their own self-esteem. Given the human propensity to clutch at easy answers and simplistic explanations, I know that to expect this en masse is well-nigh impossible. But it remains an important pursuit for me to encourage everyone I contact to persevere on that difficult quest for objective truth.

Based on my mothers request, which I recounted above, I have taken on that role of denouncing faith and promoting reason. I do this passionately. Faith was the enabling factor that allowed her and my dad to waste their lives, treat people (including their own families) badly, and engage in the abuse of power she later regretted.

Faith cost my parents their relationships with their children, their health, and ultimately their self-knowledge. Faith subjected them both to delusions of grandeur–to imagining that they were the “two witnesses” from the book of Revelation, Boddhisattvas, and more. In my mom’s case, her uncritical acceptance of reincarnation even provided her with an ‘out’: She was no ordinary human tyrant, but was simply fulfilling a well-worn path she forged during her ‘high-priestess embodiment on Atlantis’.

Even in her final moments of lucidity, she still lacked a real grasp on who she was as a flesh-and-blood person. For most of her life, she was out of touch with her underlying motivations. She had forgotten about the little girl “Betty Clare,” now the grown daughter of Hans and Frida Wulf. She had even gone so far as to have denounced her own father (in 1985) as the reincarnation of the devil “Peshualga.”

Faith removed my parents from a connection to the physical world, and destroyed their humanity. It allowed them to trivialize and mock other people’s pain as insignificant against the backdrop of the epic cosmic battles they imagined they were fighting. Their faith caused them to denounce people in their organization who made genuine mistakes as “tools of the sinister force.” It blocked their capacity for introspection and self-correction for most of their lives.

Faith also caused my parents to externalize their problems. They believed they were constantly under attack. That anyone who disagreed with them or stood up to them was aligned with ‘dark forces.’ Even their human foibles could be chalked up to these forces. Restless? Can’t sleep? Having difficulty living with glaring internal conflicts? It’s ‘energy’ from the ‘sinister force.’ Get the ‘tag’ in here to decree (pray) all night.

Both my father and mother also put their personal dreams on hold for their organization. Both suffered stress, humiliation in the press, and loss of any friends they might have had. Both became largely political animals, to maintain the power base offered to them by their followers. In addition to causing tremendous suffering in the lives of others–they were ultimately consumed by their endeavor.

So happy 67th birthday, mom, I wish you were here to share it with me and my boys. I wish dad and you had never started the church, and we’d had a chance to grow up as a normal family. I wish you’d had a chance to be a normal woman, to get to know yourself better, and to be happy. I wish you’d promoted the same spontaneity and individualism to others that you claimed for yourself

Most of all, I wish I could continue our conversation we had that day at the Ranch. I thank you profoundly for those few moments of lucidity–it’s more than a lot of adult children get from their dysfunctional parents before they die.

Mom, on your 67th birthday, I want to tell you: You didn’t fail me. You taught me a lot. The most important thing you ever taught me was the object lesson of what happened in your community. Learning this was worth all the anguish and all the lost years. Thanks especially for caring enough about me to open up and make such a towering admission of your mistakes and your regret. It must have been really difficult for you. Mom, I can’t help you pay your karmic debt, because I don’t think there is any such thing. There are only circumstances, and choices. I’m glad you chose to own up to the choices you made. It just makes you human, and I love you for it.


Comments (104 comments)

Nancy Couick / April 20th, 2008, 1:33 pm / #1

I found this article after Googling “Gene Vossler”….it came up at the top of the list. I was curious about where/what Gene is these days….I’ve been reading an interesting book about the rise and fall of the first hierarchy of the San Francisco Zen Center, and I remember Gene saying that he came to CUT from there. The book appears to be about the scandals that rocked the Zen Center after Gene left.. but reading it has been fun, because I can see SO MUCH of the CUT problems in it.

My husband, children and I were involved with the church from 1983 through 1996. I worked at Summit Beacon for a while at the end….as one of the highest paid employees. Everyone else got minimum wage, but I demanded $6.00 an hour when I started, and they actually gave it to me. Even more amusing was that for some reason, someone decided I must be staff, and I actually ended up with a blue name-tag for conferences, and got to read the ‘staff memos’ when they were circulated. Non-staff were not supposed to read those things, even though they were usually quite innocuous. I didn’t fit in too well, especially when I went to a Temp Agency in Bozeman to hire some help to get the Accounts Receivables cleaned up. The upper management had a complete COW about ‘outsiders’ knowing our business. I didn’t really care at that point, since we actually were able to collect some past-due accounts (approx. $60,000 of free books that we’d essentially been giving away – to secular organizations, like Wild Oats).

I went all the way through “third level” at Summit University during my tenure at the church, worked as a field hand volunteer off-and-on, did extensive ‘outreach’ throughout Oregon, and spent hours sitting in those gosh-awful folding chairs decreeing, drinking lukewarm bancha tea.

I always thought it would be fun if someone wrote a book about the proliferate and absurd things that make up a lot of the CUT experience. Like ‘the Camelot nod’, or how hard it is to get into a middle seat without whacking some poor member in the face with our fully-packed book bags. Or the fact that the field workers spent a whole lot of time talking about non-macrobiotic foods (strawberry shortcake with whipping cream! steak and potatoes with sour cream!) while we ate our rice cakes during a break. Or the fact that if you tried to do every decree that was recommended by an Ascended Master during a dictation, you’d be decreeing 36 hours a day, steady. I always wanted to sit down and actually compile that list, but I figure some other dedicated soul could accomplish that task, using a good search program.

I was around long enough to know that your mother recognized me. And that she didn’t like me, for unknown reasons. I was searching for the Ultimate Truth during those years, and thought that I needed to completely immerse myself in a single path and follow it all the way to the end. I picked CUT. It could have as easily been the San Francisco Zen Center, probably with the same results (according to my read of “Shoes Outside the Door” by Michael Downing).

It felt bad to be told I was ‘not worthy’ many, many times while in the church. I got called on my political activism (OK when it was pro-Star Wars), and on my community activism more than once by the “Mother Church” staff. I thought we should feed and clothe the poor, not just decree for them; that we should help an old person keep her heat on, not just take her to a service now and then.

Once I mastered the practices and applied myself to most of the available studies, I reached the end of the path provided by the church. I left in late 1996, and have since married a wonderfully pragmatic Jew. So Passover is really fun! I like to put on Monte Python’s “Life Of Brian” and sing along on Passover as my observance rites. Yay!

My experiences at the church were largely difficult and somewhat painful for a variety of reasons. Mainly it was because over a period of years, I had relinquished my own sense of self and my own personal self-responsibility. As David Tame mentioned earlier in this discussion, he stood up to Ms. Prophet. I never felt I was in a position to stand up to senior staff. In fact, when we tried that with the Oregon Study Group, we were told to either back down or get kicked out (we were having serious local problems, and simply asked for a mediator or ombudsman).

The Church, they explained, was founded on a theological Autocracy, and if we wanted to participate in the activities, access materials and attend conferences, etc., we had to conform and keep quiet.

We left in ’96, right before the ‘past life’ readings started. I sent in an official resignation when I heard about those. It sounded really bad.

WHAT I HAVE LEARNED:

1. Everyone has the capability of being a ‘messenger’. It turns out that we can all tap into our own intuition, experience and knowledge, and can all make up some great stories. With enough energy and dedication and good speaking and people skills, I can get others tap into my own perceptions. [Nowdays, I do that with volunteer community organizations – Women’s prison issues, domestic violence survivors, teen transition to workforce, etc… It’s very rewarding.] We were told that we couldn’t practice ‘psychic’ abilities at CUT…. it took me several years to figure out that no matter what you call intuition and self-awareness, what the leadership was doing was claiming that they had the right to practice what amounted to psychic activities Strong newcomers would be a threat to the stability of the hierarchy if they weren’t controlled. Being told over and over to ignore gut instinct was a control issue. Obviously, your dad was a very charismatic speaker. And your mom was certainly willing and able to perpetuate the story, and had a staff that was willing to help.

2. I got myself into this mess. I made my own mistakes. No one was forcing me to show up every day for morning decrees. There were plenty of others that were there, and had gotten themselves into it, too….. and there were a LOT of good people, trying to do the right thing. I hold no grudges. I appreciate the self-discipline that I developed during those years. And I loved the study materials and research on other religions, etc., that was provided. Even though Gene V. pissed me off occasionally, I loved his stories about the Buddha.

3. Never trust a Theological Autocracy. Unless you want to be one.

Sean, I’ve wondered over the last few years how you’ve fared, and it’s good to see that you’ve been doing well. I really appreciated the story about your mom. It finally answered some of my remaining questions.

I’ve been wondering about CUT lately, after the troubles in Texas with the YFZ group. My reaction to 9/11 was unique, too. The first thing I thought was “We’re going to invade Afghanistan”. No one believed me when I said we’d still be there now. My church experience shaped a lot of my perceptions today, and not necessarily in a bad way. I wasted a couple of years, but gained a lot, too. I’m a little sadder, but a lot wiser.

Christina / August 4th, 2008, 2:25 pm / #2

Dear Sean,
Altough I lived in South America at the time of the cult, I was part of it from here. I had friends that were crew members of an airline and had the chance to travel to Summit Lighthosue monthly, and we were a group performing the decrees and rituals here.
One day, after the first year I was into this, some of my friends came saying that your mother said that the Ascended masters don´t walk with those who eat chocolate.
I jumped with my rational and said; well then, those are not ascended masters. Since when does a Master cares about what I eat? Shortly after a month, a new message released from your mother saying that animals were devils creatures, and THAT was enough for me.
I was out, but it took many years for my friends to realize anything regarding the cult or sect, or whatever the name is, to denominate what your mother did.
I have seen so many absurds like people not having sex waiting “for the angel” to have babies. I remember those days and it was completely insane what these people , my friends, followers of your mother, lived at that time. Finally they had to go to a psyquiatrist, except for one, all the rest of them.
I was out at once, and there is still one person left hanging on to this after over more then three decades.
I believe this was not easy for you, at all.
I think you are doing a great job and that your website is great , I am subscribed to your newsletters, and I think that altough this applies to what you lived in your life and environment, there are hundreds of cults and groups like this one, driving people into catatonic robots.

With these people dweling in the planet, there is no way to make a global conciousness shift.
Everyone of us makes mistakes, but when someone cheats and abuses on people perfectly aware of what they are doing, stealing minds, beliefs, feelings and hopes, then there is no such excuse as “its karma or mission” or “they meant it good”. Your mother contaminated the world very much with. She had an undeniable charisma, I saw her once here in Buenos Aires, Argentina and in video tapes as well.

The best thing that has come out of all of this is you, your brillant mind and your magnificent work. Take care and all the best to you.

BlackSun / January 15th, 2009, 7:30 am / #3

Christina,

I often don't have a chance to reply to everything. But thanks for your comment. I chuckle about the chocolate thing. When I was a kid my mom found out I had a chocolate donut and I was fined five dollars. Yes, and the vegetarian phase. Though interestingly, my mom was a regular meat-eater in later years.

You are right about cults. When they lost their credibility in the U.S. they began a furious drive internationally. Too bad you wasted all those air miles.

From what I remember, Argentina is a really great place. I was there in 1973. Cheers!

Amen A. Sigala / August 17th, 2008, 10:51 am / #4

Beautiful and neccessary letter!
Fullfiling for posterity’s sake, highly important and appreciated! It would of been best if CUT had ur Mom’s confesion plaqued at the entrance of the Church Sanctuary and/or RTR entrance. Her confession is an essential part of CUT’s history and world religous history.
Mr.D.Tame are u the author of “The Power of Music”?
Not only did this bk have a profound impact in my life but would explain Ms.Prophet’s closeness to u, being some of her material and Teachings were used in that bk.
My Greatgrandmother while doing the Rosary had an intense “spiritiual” experience, she saw a purple light !! My mother was a little girl and present at the time of this accurance. My mother found the I Am activity some yrs later while pregnant w/ me, of course remembering her Grandmom’s vision (my grtgrndmthrs). The I Am act. teaches about a Violet Flame.
I didn’t have religion, the I Am activity even the Catholic teachings shoved down my throat like I had S.L.H./CUT when my Mom came bk from a California conf. when it was in Malibu. I was 5 then. My mother changed so much and find it so creepy how much my Mom had become so like E.C.P. As I read Sean’s stuff on his Mom, I’m reading as if it’s my own Mom. My mom’s dad is German, so was E.C.P.s, maybe it’s hard German blood that makes them so alike. I have gone thru my own shared experiences and what was suppose to be El Morya, during a dictation by him I passed out hunched over, no one coming to me to make sure I was ok, I had what was suppose to be a vision that I didn’t understand till I told my Mom and her almost instantaneous realisation was I was Peter!! Who according to E.C.P. was King Henry the II AND King Henry the VIII!! The vision was me in a vast empty black space w/ just a massive picture of El Morya, running towards it w/ a sledge hammer smashing it into the painting. I woke up w/ the lady nxt to me staring at me as if I was a leaper !! I was 13 when this happend to me, already suicidal for other reasons, this revealation was a profound but a shocking possibilty I had to pray on and it was confirmed correct by my decrees and continued experiences. These experiences also confirmed the rumors that Henry the II / VIII was Madam H.P.Blavatsky. No one was sure that the Russian writer that Mark refered to not by name, because quote “It wasn’t important what Russian writer” he was talking about in one of his lectures that he mentioned his daughter was just simply a Rus. writ.., not saying she was in fact H.P.B. I dilegently heard so many hours of Dictations and lectures. Never once heard that Tatiana was H.P.B. And before I ever read on Madame H.P.B. I didn’t know anything about her. Till one day during the shelter period someone showed me a photo of her w/ some of the Ascended Masters behind her, sitting the way I like to sit alot, my Mom hated the way I sat for so many yrs w/ my legs open, elbow on one knee w/ my hand somewhat fisted under my chin. Like in a movie that photo raced to my eyes w/ intesity of how she sat !! Later as the yrs went by I find out how much she liked to say Humbug. A word I started saying in my teens to replace shit and damn it. Also H.P.B.’s discust for Darwins theory, a very strong feeling I shared w/ her as well since I heard about his theory as a child, and here I was reading about her dicust for it as an adult, making the same argument I made to my self all those yrs, we are spititual beings from a divine source not monkeys. Madame H.P.B. had a stuffed Baboon all dressed up w/ glasses to make her point. Silly as the baboon looked so was Darwin’s theory.
w/ all of these experiences, the shelter period, gossip, hearing about Erin’s divorce from someone she confided in about it and not her Mother, I still couldn’t leave my spiritual duties, karmic obligations etc. In 93 I had a break down, in 94 something strange began to happen to me that has affected my short term memory along w/ some bizarre experiences that were so close to the movies “The Exorcism of Emily Rose” and “The Exocist”. Having gone thru such an awful exp. as to know what it’s like to loose control, be “demonicly possesed”, feel an irritation to gold jewelry or psychotic angry reactions to religious images, photos, prayers/decrees is literally a Hell I never want to exp. ever again!! ALL HAIL MR.SPOCK!!!
Stepping away from all this has been the only Peace I can find and thinking logicly!!! I have a 8 1/2 yr old who dependes on me to be!! I’m still suffering “side affects” from the “Capricorn Megaconjunction”. E.C.P. for warned that during this conjunction our lives were going to dramaticly be affected by the karmic return in this astrological event. And it did, including for herself. Ethicly, rationaly, moraly, logicly I cannot support some pattern in religous history that just should not continue!!! LIFE IS DOING THIS, LIFE IS MAKING THIS HAPPEN AND IT DOESN’T MAKE IT RIGHT JUST BECAUSE IT IS !!! Life, God, Allah, Elohim who cares I don’t anymore nor should the million orphanes suffering, abducted children for sex trafficing – TOO MUCH EVIL BEING TOLERATED AND UNRESOLVED FOR SO MUCH SELF-CENTERED / SELF-SERVING NON-SENSE TO NOT FOCUS ON THE TRUE RELIGION OF THE WORLD – OUR HUMANITY !!
Amen

Amen A. Sigala / August 18th, 2008, 8:59 pm / #5

Forgot to clarify, Henry the II & VIII were responsible for the killing of Thomas Becket & Thomas Moore. El Morya is said to have been T.B & T.M. The experience / phenomenia / hellucination brought me to the confirmation Peter / Henry II & H VIII was also Madam H.P.B. who served & loved this soul she so terribly wronged. This woman H.P.B. is suppose to be the Mother Of The New Age, in her writtings she professes so much love, respect, adoration & commitment to El Morya Khan, it simply was impossible not to accept the karmic dept, reponsibility, obligation and duty I still owed this Master / Saint / Soul / Man. Also Gerraldine E., founder & leader of The Bridge To Freedom who ended her life was suppose to be El Morya’s Twin Flame / Soul Mate ( Yes, because of my intense battle over the yrs w/ suicide I thought for sometime I COULD HAVE BEEN his Twin Flame/Soul mate, but prayers & decrees would confirm this to be or not to be. It turned out not to be so because I was suppose to be Frances Ekey, F.E. was alive at the time G.E.was). That’s when Mr.Mark L. Prophet comes in, in continuing and fullfilling the Teachings of the Ascended Masters.
Dear Sean, did u & ur sisters ever know ur 5 -1/2 brthrs & sistrs? It seems his ex-wife & mother of his 1st 5 kids remarried & wanted nothing to do w/ him. How could ur dad abandon these children of his? Ur mom & dad never talked about this, I found out about it thru the Montana media !! It was shocking, heart breaking and a torment for me to know ur WWII Dad would, could & did such a thing as to leave 5 of his kids and never mention or have them part of his extended life & fam ! It’s something a real man, a gentleman doesn’t do, especially a WW II Veteren, speaking ethicly & honorably of a militarily soldier ! Everyone always loved & repected ur dad more than ur mom, this was true for me aswell. Ur dad is a broken impression for me now. Please let me know the answers to these ?’s as to help me know him better & restore a human love & respect for him now rather than the now shattered Saintly respect & adoration I had for him for such along time. I feel such a pity & embarrassment at times for ur parents reputation now in history. They were very intelligent, highly energtic, caring in the way they new how and flawed as hech in their own unique way, individuals who could have contributed enormously & successfully in the world in so many other ways but thay have contributed in so much else now. Over the yrs when I was still praying, angerly I would tell God and the Ascended Masters that ur parents children needed them & us our own w/ all their hearts, not our parents following, learning & then teaching us ur parents ways, opinion, beliefs as if ( but they were ) raising us instead of our own mom’s & dads !!!!!! As an adult I came to see this negligence towards u & ur sisters, non of us deserved this, we all wanted & prefered our own mom’s & dad’s love & guidance as I’m sure u all had wanted ur parents undivided attention as any child wants & deserves.
Sam, my past step-dad & 1st dad in my life, now that I am in touch w/ him thks to u, keeps telling me not to blame CUT, become “the whinners”. But he and many others don’t understand or get it ! The future depends on us telling the story, the future are the children !!! Progress depends on us leaving answers and our expeiences, w/ the hope it will not be repeated & saved an individual in desperate need of it, that it could be their salvation from a religious madness they find themselves in.
I thk u w/ all my heart for ur time, honesty and blunt courage for coming forth as u have w/ this website and all u do for the future generation’s Happyness and the present generations need for closure to heal & go on to a fullfilling, happy enriched life from the whole experience. I feel like a wise old woman now. A human sister & freind, Amen Amparo sigala

Amen A. Sigala / August 19th, 2008, 12:17 am / #6

Correction G.Innocente, I thought her last name in spanish was spelled w/ an e instead of the usual i. Should know better – latin, english very close most of the time. Sorry & Thks

SeaMystic / January 15th, 2009, 3:37 am / #7

Thank You for your attempt to clarify what you experienced in CUT.
I was part of this organization in the late 70s. I sensed something off base when I was at Summit U., though I stayed through the term.
Your pain has obviously caused you to throw out the Baby with the Bath Water.
Some aspect of what your parents taught was highly important. In fact this organization probably saved my life, as I was pulled in this activity when I was in a rage over what had previously happened in my life. The focus on decrees eventually healed me from the effects of the legitimate outrage concerning past events, in conflict against Communism.
I was never in idolatry of your mother, but the effects of focused energy through decrees was a tremendous gift, which I appreciate to this day.
ArchAngel Michael is a reality in higher octaves.
If there are any from Mother Mary's quarter fron late 70s, I would like to hear from them.
May God Bless You Sean and your sisters and heal your pain.

BlackSun / January 15th, 2009, 5:04 am / #8

SeaMystic,

Your pain has obviously caused you to throw out the Baby with the Bath Water.

My greatest pain comes from dealing with fallacious arguments and bad metaphors. If I had a dime for every time I'd heard that one… Let me introduce a better one, I've rejected the rotten fruits of spiritual confusion, and the bad tree from which they came.

As for pain, consider this: your existential pain and fear of death has caused you to create an imaginary spirit world which you hold to be true in spite of a total lack of evidence (outside of your own mind, that is). Your fear and sense of powerlessness has caused you to dream up a cosmic protector named Archangel Michael who you pretend does things like prevent car accidents and find you parking spaces.

May God Bless You Sean and your sisters and heal your pain.

This statement masquerades as good wishes, but reeks of condescension. This sense of spiritual pride is the shadow of the "mystic" and is always on display.

True mysticism would admit of uncertainty (mystery), and not so confidently declare the reality of "God" or "Archangel Michael."

SeaMystic / January 15th, 2009, 5:34 am / #9

IntenseDebate Notification <DIV>It always astounds me how Atheists assume they are the highest development in consciousness on this minor mudball in this massive universe.</DIV> <DIV>Its the utmost level of arrogance and ignorance.</DIV> <DIV>Unforunately thats where your at.</DIV> <DIV></DIV> <DIV>Your parents obviously made mistakes that injured many individuals, my experience against structures such as Communism made me aware of what was developing at CUT.</DIV> <DIV></DIV> <DIV>As for my insecurities, I worked on the sea usually alone. Prioras a young Judoist I trained with the Tokyo police force at the Buddhokan and was invited to practise with the palace guards at the Imperial palace.</DIV> <DIV></DIV> <DIV>Your attack instead of pleasent communication shows me the arrogance that you developed in your position at CUT.</DIV> <DIV></DIV> <DIV>Sincerely,</DIV> <DIV></DIV> <DIV>Lorenzo Bouchard
labouchard@shaw.ca</DIV> <DIV style=”FONT: 10pt arial”>

BlackSun / January 15th, 2009, 4:14 pm / #10

SeaMystic,

Now comes the predictable accusations of arrogance–from someone who just came in with the total arrogance of proclaiming the ultimate reality of "God." A clear violation of the comment policy, which I graciously allowed, though I could have just as easily ignored it.

And of course, the condescension. You pretend to know my reality, and that my philosophy and first-hand testimonial stems from a place of "pain" that needs to be "healed." You couldn't be more dismissive if you tried.

Believe me, Lorenzo, I've heard it all before. This is the typical delusion of the believer, that you occupy the moral high ground. If you know anything about judo, you know that you attacked first. I merely exposed the nature of the attack, side stepped and counter punched. You have no real rejoinder, so now you retreat to self-righteousness. I wasn't nice to you.

I know enough to know that I don't know the answers to life, the universe, and everything. That's hardly arrogant, as you accuse.

So wrong again. But what I do know is the dangers of communal psychology, as well as the dangers of supernatural belief systems. And I know it a lot better than most, because of who my parents were and what they stood for. That's what this site is about, not attacking anyone. But if you come here professing spiritual beliefs, knowing what this site is about, you're going to have to defend your position with a little more than blind assertions. I know you don't have that evidence–no one does.

So I just gave you back a taste of your own medicine.

You can't pretend not to know what you were doing. Just because you spent time in my parents' church doesn't give you the right to make me the whipping boy for your unexamined assumptions.

Nick (Pudding) / November 15th, 2011, 1:51 pm / #11

Hmmmmm …. if you had studied Judo in Tokyo as you state, you would undoubtedly not have made the mistake of spelling 'Budokan' as 'Buddhokan'. There is an enormous difference between Budo and Buddha!

SeaMystic / November 15th, 2011, 2:13 pm / #12

Nick Pudding,

Have the courage of using your real name, as opposed to acting like a Chihuahua, barking over the fence.   A Hole, I was there from 62 to 65.  I was previously elected as the President of Vancouver’s Judo Club from Feb. To Sept.,  then I went to Japan. Also lived in the Kodokan in 63.

Sincerely,

Lorenzo Bouchard
labouchard@shaw.ca
http://mypage.direct.ca/l/lbouchar/

Nick (Pudding) / November 15th, 2011, 5:00 pm / #13

Nick is my real name. Pudding is what my friends call me.
Is your first name really SealMystic?

If I had put my name as John Smith, how would you know if it was genuine or not? And I am the A-hole as you put it … ?

Woof woof!

SeaMystic / November 15th, 2011, 7:09 pm / #14

I work with a number of Guardians of Democracy, if I want your address and name, it’s easy.  If you know this or not, I have a “Ban Islam” World Wide petition which enrages the Muslims, and also I’ve got info on a totally other item, which is in some Ministers of my countries hands, on how the National Debt is developed in perpetuity.  Both can be the cause of serious attacks, in my direction.  If you want to play the game on that level,  our organization members  do not remain the prey, but become the hunters.
Use Wisdom A Hole!

Sincerely,

Lorenzo Bouchard
labouchard@shaw.ca
http://mypage.direct.ca/l/lbouchar/

SeaMystic / November 15th, 2011, 7:13 pm / #15

ECP’s son the Sexual Pervert, interesting!  I remember you from 1979-80.  A Hole is right on!

Sincerely,

Lorenzo Bouchard
labouchard@shaw.ca
http://mypage.direct.ca/l/lbouchar/

SeaMystic / November 15th, 2011, 9:54 pm / #16

Knowing who you are, has brought back a rather sad memory of you, as a young boy.   It was when your mother returned from Ghana, and she and the family with her new mate came to the Pasadena site. I remember you getting close to your mother, and her new mate sort of pushed you roughly aside, so that he could get to stand alongside her.  It made me sad for you.
I never idolized anyone there including your mother and they sensed it, but the energy of decrees was of assistance. I later invoked God’s Sword of Truth on the whole structure.

After my Judo competing years of activities, due to injuries I was led into Tai-Chi. Did the whole system, joint hands and including the swords.  It further sensitized me, this was a perhaps ten  years prior to going to Pasadena.

Sincerely,

Lorenzo Bouchard
labouchard@shaw.ca
http://mypage.direct.ca/l/lbouchar/

KRISTIAN BEDIIAKO / January 23rd, 2009, 10:54 pm / #17

FOOD FOR THOUGHT: Just because the messenger misbehaves does not make the message wrong!

BlackSun / January 23rd, 2009, 11:34 pm / #18

You are correct, behavior or misbehavior has nothing to do with the rightness or wrongness of a person's message. You have to look for evidence and corroboration of the message iteself. I saw no evidence for the authenticity of my parents' messengership.

Bad behavior does, however, undermine a person's moral authority, which is arguably one of the main functions served by religious leaders in society.

AmenASandH / March 16th, 2010, 7:44 pm / #19

The message has been said repeatedly in many languages forever. So the message is life's freaking manipulation to keep following it. It's called your brain, damn ugly thing. Just like multiple personality disorder that is what the Holy Spirit & God is, therefor the same w/ any other charachter your brain make's up. At the end it's actuely the different levels of your own intellegance working !!! Gofigure…ha…it's the intelligence of our selves making it all up along with nature making lt all up all at the same time CREEPY & TRICKY ….. NAUGHTY LIFE IS + ( WHAT A BITCH don't mess w/ ******* 's tay mess u up,,,,,,
.

Otis / October 12th, 2009, 6:42 am / #20

Hello Sean

Thank you for sharing your life experience with your Dear Mother ECP.

There has never been a Prophet or Messenger during biblical times that was perfect. Why would members of CUT or KOF expect Mark and Elisabeth to be perfect? If we were perfect human beings we'ed probably be Ascended Masters right now.

I became a KOF in 1987, The Ascended Masters are still on the Line, The Teachings are True, and The Science of The Spoken Word works Beautifully. I give thanks and Praise to my Beloved I AM Presence, the Ascended Masters, and Mark and Elisabeth, and Godfre and Lotus and Dearly Beloved St. Germain.

WOW !!! What a Teaching, If we as humans could look beyond our human foibles and those of others and just let go and let God the I AM Presence take command, what a Wonderful World this would be.

Love ya Bro !

Nancy R / October 16th, 2009, 4:57 am / #21

My condolences tonight 10-15-09. We all have learned a lot from all this. The news spreads fast of her passing.

Otis / October 17th, 2009, 4:53 am / #22

My Condolences to you and your family Sean 10-16-09.

Love Sincerely,

Otis Gable

mark / October 29th, 2009, 4:59 am / #23

"I have taken on that role of denouncing faith and promoting reason. I do this passionately."
Props for sharing this story with me.
I firmly disagree with the notion that 'faith' and 'reason' need to be separated, but reading a story like this makes me understand how people going the other way might feel the need. Far better, in the end, to not believe in something than to believe in a lie.
Recently I have turned to this subject via the UFO angle, and it disgusts me to see how many people there are in that realm who wanbty to be at the centre, and are willing to delude people for selfish reasons. Same thing in spirituality of course, which is polluted with misinformation and egotism.
But all of that has nothing to do with the need to separate reason and faith, perhaps reason and badly applied faith might be a better term for me. But in any case, good luck to you, and thanks for sharing.

AmenASHandFree / October 30th, 2009, 2:06 pm / #24

The message is Universal & we all have the potential to figure out what everyone else has in history aswell as today & tomorrow. No one should ever go around accepting the lie the brain has cruely put in our biochemistry – to follow a leader & to do so for a long period of time without question. Nature shows us this everyday. It's an unfortunate part of the programing. U r ur own leader not a God or Saint or Ascended Master let alone Angels. For crying outload ! The brain & ur body is what's in control & in relationship with the functions of the natural world. So that personality u call ur own is nature's to mess with at it's bidding. At the end it's the body along with the brain that's in control forming it's personality's, characters & identity's. Her brain fulfilled her destiny, life outcome. & it's unfortunate she never woke up out of her mesmerised facination with the Ascended Masters. Because her dedication was so committed without question from her own Heart, she couldn't love as she did when she was a child.

AmenASHandFree / October 30th, 2009, 2:18 pm / #25

CONT'D – We all lose that love as children because what adults blindly distroy in a child with the non-sense they give the child. & that is why religion has only survived as long as it has. Evolution of the brain with the Heart has forced religion to change constantly manipulising to keep it's exsistance. Our brain fools us in thinking it's the religion we're in love with when in fact it's only the goodness in it that we r facinated with. Our brains diliberatly r made to function outplaying the story it continues to outplay decade after decade, century after century & it looks like battles r the only way out, whether it be by violence or the voice/word, the pen but anger&fighting seems to have such a part of the illusion in it's change. The anger in fact is not the lie as much as it is the hurt of being mistreated, unloved or loved improperly. & ECP was not alone in what most of us had missing in our lives. Loving security from our parents, community, Nature, Life. Peace & Love to all….

AmenASHandFree / October 30th, 2009, 2:30 pm / #26

CONT'D – ECP was a victim herself. The victim we all r of Nature. The cruelty of Natures ways, masculinity & femininty, light & dark, yin & yang. Life is the one who has hurt us, ourselves as part of nature, our brains as who & how we function. ECP, her brain fullfilled the Biblical prediction of her & her husbands demise. Life is what u want to believe, choose what is love & what is good not what is God, Saintly, Ascended, Masterly. All this is so seductive when one is hurting. That's the danger, that's what makes it wrong, bad, evil.

Bella / November 17th, 2009, 5:56 am / #27

Hi Sean,
I really appreciate the open conversation you have started and the experiences you have shared. I have two sisters who are CUT members (sometimes I like to call it CUnT). I am extremely concerned for both of them. My eldest sister is very involved with the church and does a lot of work on behalf of the church. She also has several young children at home who are overlooked and neglected due to all her "service". This breaks my heart. I care deeply for my nieces and nephews who are being raised in such a bizzare and harmful environment. On a second note it is incredibly difficult just to relate to my sisters who are so far removed from reality. Aside from the fact that both of their homes are completely decked out in statues, paintings and replicas of every god, deity and ascended master I can think of, they try to push their beliefs on other family members. My one sister tried to lecture me on the ills of oral sex due to chakra damage…and I was like lady…I engage in oral sex about once a week…and it is GOOD. Furthermore I can't wrap my head around how both Kama Sutra and Chakras come from the same country and culture of origin yet the two can't mix. I'd like to think that those in ancient times who discovered both would have found a problem with improper chakra mixing in certain positions or sexual acts long before CUnT declared it so. Anyhow…my sister has also tried to prevent me from consuming chocolate…and I'm like lady I have chocolate once a week…and it too is GOOD, not to mention good for you…how many studies have been done on the healing and antioxidant properties of dark chocolate. I mean I won't even get started on rock music…although I once had to endure a two hour car ride listening to violet flame chants the whole way…I wanted to bang my head on the dashboard…it was a certain kind of torture. These are all surface issues the greater issue lies in their unwielding beliefs and how those beliefs effect EVERY aspect of their lives. I mean my one sister has a professional job in an office, and wears only brown and navy blue leather shoes. Heaven forbid she be caught in black…and if the office ever threw a black tie affair…I can tell you right now my sister wouldn't be there (that and they might play rock music). Sean, how do I relate to these people? There was once a time where my sisters were normal, well adjusted people who functioned comfortably in society, and now it is difficult for their own family members to spend time with them. I love both of my sister's dearly and it saddens me to see them so bound in their beliefs that they aren't fully enjoying all life has to offer. My one sister is okay with living a shitty existence this time around because she thinks she'll be reincarnated as something better next time…but what if there is no next time? What if this is her one shot and she's throwing it away in hopes of something better. I can't tell you how much this effects me…I lose sleep at night. Do you have any advice or words of wisdom?

AmenASHandFree / November 19th, 2009, 8:45 pm / #28

Bella Sorry, had to remark before Sean…! Tell your sister's they've lost their decency and manners in the name of their beliefs….goodness gracious!!!!!!!!! This is exactly what I have to endure in my memories when I have them…how much we lost of so much of ourselves following the Teachings. I was a kid, I had very little choice, I had to obey, that's how society (ADULTS WHO R IN CONTROL) has raised us to think. & unless the heart & brain have what it takes to be free, it will become inslaved in it's shame & guilt w/ whatever is providing it, the individuals won't return bk to a happy & healthy state till much pain has passed. Life tends to move like this….some kind of right of passage, natural enviromental eduaction on one's own human behavior. We all want Heaven – that is Peace _Love _ Happiness & your sister's are under the impression C.U.T. is providing that. They hurt inside & mend their internal pain, sorrow, unhappiness from this earthly reality w/ what C.U.T provides.

bill flores / February 17th, 2010, 5:13 pm / #29

sean, i commend you for your escape from religion. loss of inhibitions is not characteristic of alzheimer patients; rather inhibitions cause alzheimers.

joninaspen / February 18th, 2010, 9:26 pm / #30

Bella – how terribly sad. What a waste of life. All so the bloodsuckers can feel adored, and get everything you have or may have in the future. The whole "next life" mentality just totally kills the value that this life. The here and now. I have a loved one who is deeply involved iin one of the splinter groups of CUT. I'm afraid hope is fading fast for this person to ever see the truth. Incredible waste:(

gerald / February 20th, 2010, 2:15 am / #31

Thank you for the gift you have given by sharing. I came across it when the encouragement it offered was needed. The pathology by which dorgma prevails over and extinguishes reason is not confined either to groups regarded as cults or ideological constructs from the realm of religion. The federal court conviction on littering charges of a man who started leaving filled water bottles along a trail used by border crossers after coming across the body of a fouteen year old girl who had died of thirst attempting to reach a better life in the US underscores my point. Any work by anyone anywhere toward recognizing, resising and finding a remedy for the universal human vulnerability to capitulating and falling into step with dehumanizing and manifestly inhumane culture keeps the bells ringing with freedoms call to everyone

JLT / March 8th, 2010, 8:57 am / #32

Thanks for sharing your story. It validates feelings I had living at Summit University in the 1970s. I was in grade one and remember watching in disbelief and horror as my mum bought into the crap being served up there. I'm still a spiritual person. I just learned at a young age to trust my own sense. I still feel uneasy when I see a picture of Mother: a bedazzling ring on every finger flashing in the California sun while we were marginalized with so many of the flock to basic bunks and communal showers. The inequality got to me even as a seven year old. I have forgiven my own mother for taking me and my brother on her spiritual journey- I'm still working on forgiving yours.

Alen / March 15th, 2010, 1:49 pm / #33

Sadly, I think you threw out the baby with the bathwater. The misbehaviour of your mother does not invalidate belief any more than scientists faking their experimental results would invalidate science. The inner perceptions of the soul are independent of how leaders will use or abuse them.

I don't know about the ascended masters, one way or another, or how much you mother was self-deluded. But i am quite certain that atheist evolutionists ARE deluded. Does it really make sense that a vast bunch of mineral globes could, for no reason at all, spontaneously generate beings with an intelligence they don't possess themselves? Only a separate existing intelligence could possibly cause them to produce such intelligence. Natural selection never could. Natural selection can work only on an evolution that already exists. It cannot possibly actually create evolution. That would be like saying that shopping itself manufactures the goods you buy. But, just as you can only buy goods that already exist, natural selection also can only select from what already exists. Professor Dawkins and the atheist evolutionists are plunging headlong into utter delusion, and taking many others with them, to the detriment of their living inner perceptions and the truths these can discover.

Vicky / April 13th, 2010, 5:40 pm / #34

Well I really enjoyed reading this. Having a background in the 70s and 80s in Rev. Moon and the Unification Church I was always interested in the CUT becuase it had a female 'leader' and she was American. However it all comes to the same thing – supreme authority, abuse of power and the quite unreasonable position that someone, has way deper insights into spiritual reality etc than everyday people. Their followers give them this position. However I think that Rev Moon's children who are enormously wealthy and never sin, would do very well to read this account of Sean. My last question is, did all of ECP's children get left humongous amounts of money – as is the case with Rev Moon's children, at least his legitimate ones. Religion works best in small groups where the leaders are held accountable to the same standards as the ordinary members.
Vicky in Seattle

Erling / June 20th, 2010, 9:53 am / #35

Dear Bella

I read your post and felt like replying, since sean hasnt. I was involved with CUnT;) from 1989 to 96. If you want a few pointers, ill start by saying keep your hopes up. You obviously love your sisters and family. Keep being yourself.
They walked into the cult because they had needs or issues wich made this seem prudent to them. They are trying to build a vision of reality they can be more comfortable with than the one they had previously. Their greatest hope is you living a good life, for that is the most likely thing to ever make them aware of their error. Keep your refreshing vitality and your honest sense of humour, and theres no way they can ignore you forever.
Be that cheerful aunt to your nieces and nephews. Noone has perfect parents, but the other adults in a childs life should act as counterweights in that balance:)

SICKMAN / August 17th, 2010, 1:25 pm / #36

Sean,

My father was a member of CUT from circa 1978 until his death in 1983. He was a Vietnam veteran who was hospitalized for manic depression in 1978 where he was recruited and then became involved with the cult in Atlanta. He eventually left my mother and I to move to California so that he could live in "Camelot". I was pretty young then (5 yrs old in 1978) but I still remember the place when I visited him over the years.

Anyway, I hated your mother for taking my father away from me but after reading this article I realize that they were both sick and I guess we are sort of in the same boat. So here is to moving forward Sean

S C / September 15th, 2010, 9:14 pm / #37

Very powerful. I wonder what it means that towards the end of the letter you moved from addressing us, your readers, to addressing your mom. Since she was at that time presumably unable to understand you due to Alzheimer's, it was in fact an act of faith to address her. You must have done this for emotional reasons.

We human being do this, don't we. We posit the other that is able to hear us, yet the other is not able to hear us – or, perhaps, is able to hear us, but in a way that can't be explained. Either way, doing this – addressing the silent other – seems to be part of who and what we are as humans.

Your mom addressed all of these silent others – her so-called "Ascended Masters." Were they real? Could your mother understand you near the end of her life? Is she somewhere now?

Perhaps it is in the addressing of the silent other that we find wisdom in ourselves (or find our own foolishness and grandiosity – or both?). Is the other there or not there? I don't know. I don't know if it matters – but at the bottom of all of this is the fact that we – you and I – are not, in many ways, and can never fully be, rational.

Thank you for making me think about these things.

Fatima / September 24th, 2014, 7:30 pm / #38

THE most enlightened response of the entire thread…..So beautiful.

weRstillNotFree / September 25th, 2014, 6:22 am / #39

NO IT WASNT FOR REAL WE CAN NEVER BE RATIONAL??!!! THATS THE DUMBEST REMARK EVR A HUMAN HAS EVER MADE…! and NOT inLightening at all :O whaaaa…?! as sTupid as an adult can be who rules the world BIG children living in their puFF'd up egOs… so sad. sO wrong thanks to Nature…

Burt / December 26th, 2010, 9:02 am / #40

Thank you Sean.

Mike / March 14th, 2011, 10:32 am / #41

Really enjoy your site. I was at the ranch in 1988. I went through Summit U and was told to leave along with two others because we were questioning too much. They put me in a car and dropped me off at the airport. The staff were so out of touch with reality it was amazing. I met the biggest hypocrites I have been around in my 53 years. I remember Elizabeth was "channeling" a Chinese master and had recorded Chinese and was playing it back on headphones to pronounce the words right. I thought if a master is talking through her why is she doing this. I questioned a staffer and was told to leave. They devastated peoples lives. I enjoy yourweb site and wish you the best….Mike

Hugh / June 23rd, 2011, 1:55 am / #42

Thank-You Sean, I do not agree with you 100% about C.U.T, but I respect; your opinion, perspective, and view point.
I don't think I ever got close enough to you to shake your hand, but as a member of CUT I've seen you grow up – I am deeply touched by the letter to your mom – and I feel impressed.

Nick (Pudding) / November 15th, 2011, 1:30 pm / #43

HI Sean

I found your site and this comment thread via research into the Agnostic Gospels.

Firstly, may I say how impressed I am with your patience and candour with having to read through and reply to a large number of people who, despite your revelation, still choose to cling to their beliefs regardless. One need look no further for confirmation that there is no bigger deception than self-deception! Perhaps the adherents dare not admit to themselves that they are wrong or cannot for whatever reason. However, you do your best to remain objective and respectful for which I applaud you.

My personal belief, which I feel has been supported by what I have fond in the various comments read here, is that religion serves to satisfy the control freaks out there, and is responsible for all of the world's problems. There is so much hypocrisy within all major (and most minor) belief systems but the more followers believe in a system the less able they are to see it or even question it for a moment, even to the point of mass suicide.

I am particularly intrigued (to put it kindly) by such contradictions as Christian Scientists … people who realise they they are not compatible, who are torn between physical and theological truths yet try to find some middle ground, presumably so as not to go insane at some future point. But I am not here to attack others for what they choose to believe, these are purely my personal thoughts.

To those who are displeased with you, I say this:

Always consider motivation – why someone chooses to say something is more important than the actual content that they wish to convey. Your motivations are sincere and personal. You have learned from your experiences and it is apparent that you feel some guilt for your parent's past actions and deeds, and that you want to "make good" in some way for what has transpired – not just for your own personal peace of mind.

In closing, I wish to sat that I perceive that you speak the purest truth in your article and replies and wish you more strength in coping with the self-deluded who comment unfavourably elsewhere here. My best wishes to you sir!

Jacks Metelica / January 30th, 2013, 8:06 pm / #44

God can make you prosperous but it is not complicated or require followers. The core is the family, the mental and emotional health of the family and failure to keep faith with the ancestors and the family and spirit will cause illness, insanity and disease until you get it. Small moments of kindness are not enough. Kindness and doing no harm to the psyche of the village is all that is important. When you don't have time for it then you waste your lifetime. CULTS and RELIGIONS are as good as the man or woman selflessness in organizing sustainable systems for people to be whole unto themselves and when it requires abeyance to a single person other than oneself..I just don't by it. I don;t buy you benefited. I don't buy you get it. Thank you for courage to post this letter. Sister of a Cult Leader, Milchael Metelica and the Renaissance Community and Elwood Babbit. Same story and same distruction to many, themselves and harm to to their families. How sad a religion is that.

faith quotes / March 7th, 2013, 8:56 am / #45

Onika Tanya Maraj grew up in Queens, New York City, after moving from Trinidad, where she was born in 1982. She was 5 yrs old at the time

JohnSmith:) / September 22nd, 2013, 6:11 am / #46

Thank You!

sharedpurpose / September 29th, 2015, 8:40 pm / #47

well, guys — just speaking for myself, yes i took a few fairly hard thumps through c.u.t. — but i don't regret my experience. i wanted to set a high and disciplined standard for myself – and this church taught me how to do it. i never had better food than i ate at camelot/summit university. when i last saw guru ma — i think it was 1998 in san diego, and she came out on stage in brilliant jade green — i have to say i was totally thrilled. was there some "abuse of power"? i'd say yes — maybe big time. i don't know about the "sex scandals" — so, i just try to steer clear of the controversy. guru ma still has a strong place in my life, all these years later. i still have an altar with the i am presence chart. i have her picture on it — along with a few others, including the true and unquestionable saint Paramahansa Yogananda. Guru Ma was a very powerful personality with an absolutely amazing flame. maybe some of her convictions were fantasies, and maybe she wasn't fair — but there is no doubt she represented an amazing primal force of spirit. the music that came out of her group — like "heartstrings of lemuria" — was absolutely gorgeous. there were hundreds of beautiful songs, thousands of tapes and services that were steady as a quartz clock. 4 quarterly conferences a year for thirty straight years without missing a beat. pretty amazing. so, ok, some people are in rage. maybe they needed to wake up from their dream. cut initiated me with a fierce and unquestionably authentic spiritual discipline, set to a very high standard. that's what matters to me. i am grateful for the experience. Guru Ma, for all your ups and downs and hard-to-understand ways — you were still absolutely awesome, and you put a dent into new age spirituality like nobody else. you've had hundreds of imitators, and none yet with the power you carried. so, yes, "power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely" — and maybe the whole world had a few more things to learn about spirit. but you anchored the flame with a tremendous force, your message is still reverberating around the world as a very high blessing. no doubt about it. thanks, bruce schuman, santa barbara ca

Michele / March 24th, 2016, 1:28 pm / #48

Hi Sean,

I did not meet your mother when she was alive but I read a couple of her books years ago. Unfortunately, she was very misguided. I am sorry you had to suffer so much psychologically in your formative years. I am disappointed by the vitriolic, judgmental and vindictive responses you have received in response to your honesty. These people are supposedly "SPIRITUAL." This is preposterous. Always keep in mind that there are people in this world who are followers and will implicitly what another person says even if you present them with irrefutable proof that what they believe cannot possibly be true. People like this do not research or think logically and independently.

I am a Reform Jew by choice and my husband is an atheist. I and my husband both enjoy Richard Dawkins books as well as Stephen Hawking's books and Neil de Grasse Tyson's books. That having been said I am a student of Kabbalah. As a Jew, I am more interested in the actions of other people as opposed to their beliefs.

Again, thank you for your candor.

Michele

am a Reform Jew and a student of Kabbalah. My husband is an atheist and an avid reader of Richard Dawkin's books.

RCA / May 21st, 2016, 8:34 pm / #49

Hey Sean, it is 2016 now and I just read your post.
I was a staff member at SL for years, worked in the shipping department, and had my good and bad times at SL. Mostly good. Wondering at times what the hell was going on.
I wrote a letter to your mom when I resigned from staff and SL. I got back a reply from someone else.
Reading this post , I guess is the reply I always needed. From your mom, so thanks for posting it.
It helps to deal with some lingering pain I did not realize I had.
And you are right , it took two to tango in this cosmic delusion. Moving on.

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