What it means to be a man :
Your last name stays put.
Don't get married, or keep separate last names.
The garage is all yours.
Share the garage, set up an art studio in there.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Don't get married, or help with the plans, or elope, or go to the courthouse, or have a small wedding in Vegas.
Chocolate is just another snack.
And so it should be.
You can be president.
So can Hillary.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
Women should wear them too, or be like Europeans and don't wear them at all. Where did we get the idea that breasts or genitals (which gave us life) are offensive? Just asking the question.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Become savvy about mechanics and earn their respect.
You don't give a rat's ass if no one notices your new haircut.
People who care notice haircuts on both sexes.
The world is your urinal.
Or maybe we should be like Sweden and attempt to ban urinals??? As a sign of male domination and abuse???
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
Planning, planning. (Use a restaurant instead).
Same work...more pay.
Compete on a level playing field. When you do, you'll get respect and the pay you deserve.
Wrinkles add character.
On women as well!!!!! No woman without (at least the beginnings of) crow's feet gets my lust, respect, or admiration!!!
Wedding Dress $5,000; Tux rental $100.
Fuck the wedding. Put a down payment on a house. Get married on a mountaintop in your jeans if you must.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
Maybe women should stare at men's crotches a little more. And be proud of men's response to their breasts.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Yes they do. Especially the big black boots I like to wear.
One mood, ALL the damn time.
Could women learn something here?
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You haven't seen my phone bills!!
You know stuff about tanks.
Not unless you're a mechanic, a soldier, or a bullshitter.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
Smart women take one suitcase with duffel bags inside, and come back with three!!!
You can open all your own jars.
So can you. Turn upside down and tap twice on a hard surface. You'll never need a man again.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
So can you. Exactly WHY would you make it????? Is it the same reason you frantically clean when the house cleaners are on their way?
You can kill your own food.
So can you. Who's fiercer, the lion or the lioness?
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Translation: All men are basically thoughtless.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he! or she can still be your friend.
Boy are we petty here. Do we want friends like this?
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Wear men's underwear, wear no underwear, or get a man to buy the expensive lingerie he wants to see you in. Gap.com: Men's cotton briefs, 3-pack $12.50 ($4.17 each), Women's cotton briefs, 5 for $20. ($4.00 each).
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
Practice Zen meditation while riding.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
Not for this man. 2 rotating pairs of black boots, Tevas, Hi-Tecs for hiking, dress shoes, sneakers, bedroom slippers.....
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."
Or maybe you hate watching games and prefer conversation.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
A gift only has meaning if it's unexpected. If it's expected, there is something REALLY wrong with the relationship.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
Or you might be so busy with intelligent conversation, you might not even notice.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
Or you might be a professional colorist!!!! (Like this man)
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Unless it's on a gas line which is left-hand threaded.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
Don't wear bras. (Unless you have "National Geographic" breasts.)
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Wear clothes that don't wrinkle. If your job prevents it, change jobs!! If your friends don't like it, change friends.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
If you have no imagination...
You don't have to shave below your neck!!!
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
Yes, black. Got a problem with that? What color looks better than black?
You can do your nails with a pocketknife.
No thanks. Nothing like a good manicure.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Not this man. Although I sure tried. Maybe Testosterone injections would help.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives on! December 24th in minutes.
No argument here!!!