On life and love

I will take care of myself
I will not give in to forces of conformity
I will treat those I love with honor but
I will not allow guilt to color my perception

I am alive
I will listen to my heart
I will listen to my DNA
I will feel the torrents of conflicting emotions
I will not be afraid to be afraid
For that is what it means to be alive

I will breathe
I will try to reconcile the irreconcilable
I will live in the present moment
I would not let the unlived past nor an uncertain future
Nor the fear of action or inaction
Destroy something beautiful

But it seems the petty gods of human nature
Have conspired to place their limits on my heart
And boundless spirit
I would build a city
But each time I lay the foundation
Of a new monument to love
I must pay the bill
For the most unwelcome demolition crew
I must be the foreman, captain, arsonist
Armed with pink slips, courts-martial, pouring gasoline
On the fire of passions, turning them to rage
Turned outward or inward
But destroying just the same
Years of life spent constructing the edifice
That is two people walking hand in hand

I have no drawings or maps for new love
The architect smiles inscrutably
Could I sneak a peek? A walk down virtual corridors?
Could it be the Taj Mahal? Or is it a slum?
Or will I be left standing in the wreckage
While the builders ponder over plans written in another language
With strange mathematics and faulty structure

The ruins of my youth lie behind me
Like the rubble at ground-zero
Others build their towers to the stars
Forever, they say, till death us do part
We will keep the wreckers at bay
We will stand against the hurricanes, earthquakes
And weapons of crass distraction
We will live on the upper floors,
Taking material from the lower ones
To build the teetering towers even higher

But the wrecking crew is coming
Whether by death or design
Whether by sudden explosion
Or collapse
Or brick by brick as crushing routine and flagging libidos
And lack of respect turn attentions elsewhere
And reduce the gleaming spires to powder

It’s no wonder some people have to create myths
To explain away this madness
Of “Brahma, Vishnu, Shiva”
Creator, preserver, and destroyer
Complexity is so great of this human need and subconscious interaction
We call love
It seems to be the province of gods

It’s really “only” DNA and the shifting nature of self
And hard-wired conflicts of interest we don’t even perceive
So I must keep my tools sharp, crew at the ready
Money to pay the architect always at hand
And yes I must be ready also to call in the accursed demolition team
For nothing stands the test of time
It is only important to keep building…

Comments (2 comments)

Annette C. / May 10th, 2008, 3:52 am / #1

Great writing. Here’s some of mine:

The sky is lightening beyond the back fence
Bringing promise of all the wondrous
possibilites and probablilities
Of a future I must now charge forth and claim,
With or without fear, for the unknown makes no difference
Marching through any seeming firewalls –
Because with persistance they will crumble like sand around me.
I must persist with relentless drive until I’m done.

The depths of Psyche
The heights of passionate bliss
The expanse of horizons as yet unknown –
These things I refuse to miss.

A pall of confusion cast aside,
Love, angst, dreams and the cracking of
The shell of the seeds of Expansion,
Feelings, aspirations no longer held suppressed, told to hide –
It is time to prepare to fly –

Out of this obsolecence,
To say farewell with Grace,
I’ll make new photos of my face in another place.

It may not be easy or happen overnight,
I have the gusto for a mighty fight,
For in the face of Hellfire, High Water, Pummelling raining molten lava –
I know what it is, I know what I’m after.

BlackSun / May 10th, 2008, 8:30 pm / #2

Really great Annette C! I like it.

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